


You may be a sinner, but your innocence is mine

by allmyselfishthoughts



Category: Penny Dreadful (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-28
Updated: 2015-06-28
Packaged: 2018-04-06 14:26:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,748
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4225293
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/allmyselfishthoughts/pseuds/allmyselfishthoughts
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>One-shot from Vanessa's pov, continuation of 2x7; they were dangerous and she ran away, but now she choosed to face a different kind of danger and it made him angry -and worse, disappointed-. Now that she lost her soul, would she lose him too?</p>
            </blockquote>





	You may be a sinner, but your innocence is mine

**Author's Note:**

> The title is a line from a Muse's song and hm, this is literally my first attempt to write something.

“Welcome to the night, Vanessa.”

They stayed just standing for a few minutes, but it felt like hours. She knew exactly what his words meant, and she knew that she choosed it. She choosed the avenge path not because it was a childish whim, but because she needed it, she needed a closure in some way, no matter how.

“You know what, I don’t regret killing him. I choosed to do it Mr. Chandler. I know that it won’t bring her back but I can assure you that the world is better off without that naughty pig.” –she finally broke the silence.

“I’m not disagreeing about it Miss Ives, do you think that I don’t get it?” he finally whirled to look at her face again and raised a bit more his tone “The problem is that you don’t understand what is to be a killer, no matter if the other person deserved to live or not.”

“I do kno-“ –she started yelling, but he interrupted and yelled louder.

“No, you don’t know anything! I would do it for you so you wouldn’t have to have somebody’s blood on your hands!“

“Ethan, I don’t care! I did what I should have done a long time ago.” She raised both arms, folding them right after.

“But I do care, Vanessa!”, he snapped “I’m here to protect you not only from this demon inside of you, I’m also here to protect you from yourself! I told you that I see you for exactly what you are, and this is not you. But if you can’t resist such a thing like vengeance, you will keep losing yourself and mark my words, I won’t allow you to do it! YOU WON’T KEEP LOSING YOURSELF.” Every word came out with a huge amount of despair and a kind of sorrow that was new for both of them.

He was near to her and staring straight into her big blue eyes; she tried to keep them cold, but she knew that he could notice that she was starting to feel ashamed. What she wasn't sure of was if he knew that it wasn't about killing a man –as she said, she had no regrets about it-, but for giving him a reason to look at her that way. For making the person that she cherished the most resent her. And if he gave up on her and decided that she already had lost herself? _“Yeah, I’m a monster”_ , she thought.

“I’m not asking you to regret, just to understand. Now there’s no coming back from this, I failed on helping you.” He had a soft tone now, his voice blended with sadness and disappoitment. He came closer to her and brushed two fingers on her cheek “You’re such a smart woman, but sometimes make very odd choices.”

She had a lot to say, but found herself speechless. All she could think about was her odd choices: what to resist, what to give in? She couldn’t resist to open that cursed book and take a man’s life. Joan basically told her to not open that book if not to protect herself, yet she opened only for revenge claiming that it was “justice”. Then she reminded what she choosed to resist since a long time, what she choosed to give up: herself. A long time ago she decided that she couldn’t have a normal life, she had to face the fact that she wasn’t –and never would be- a normal person. So why keep trying?

Vanessa stared quietly at Ethan wondering if he was thinking the same as her. With this choice of giving up on herself she decided that love wasn’t something that someone like her deserved. Actually she was pretty sure that never would even exist such a person with the habillity to love someone like her, so with this certain was easier to just ignore these things. She always thought of love as a beautiful thing that only people with a pure heart deserved, but she had a cursed one, she was violated in all possible ways.

But there was something about that man that made her knees go weak and all her thoughts go blur; it wasn’t only desire like she felt before, it was something brand new, very different. It was how sweetly he once took her hands, how his touch always gave her this warm feeling of safety, how his smile could make her melt like a stupid teenager and how he always was there for her, protecting her, even though she acted like she didn’t needed any protection. _I do care_ , he had said. It was the first time in a long time that she felt the meaning of these words and believed on them. Maybe he really wouldn’t give up on her at all.

She gave him a bittersweet little smile, put one hand on his face, said a low “Thank you” and went away. As she was on her way upstairs she heard his footsteps and before she had the chance to stop she felt him holding her, his abdomen leaning on her back, his large arms around her tiny body and his head over her own. He tilted his head to the side, so his lips were close to her ears now.

“Vanessa..“ he whispered and his warm breath next to her neck gave her chills “you can’t choose for both of us. You know exactly what I’m talking about, right? The other night you didn’t gave me the chance to speak, but now I will. I choose to face the dangerous.”

Once more, she was speechless. She only realized that she was crying when she felt the salt tears reaching her mouth. Ethan loosened his arms a bit so he could turn her to look at his face; he cleaned her tears with his thumbs and kept his hands on her face. His touch was so comfortable, and gently –as always-. One thing she really loved about him was how gentle he always was with her, in every action, in every touch. She started feeling one kind of peace that she never felt before. Maybe her entire soul wasn’t lost forever; it was with him, it belonged to him. But she had to be strong, for his safety.

“Mr. Chandler,” she said lowering her face. She couldn’t even look at his eyes. “This is not an option. You saw what I’m capable to do and you know that I’ve been chased like an animal. I already accepted bringing you here with me and it was too selfish, but I can’t..” –she let out a low sob.

“Hey, look at me.” He held her chin and slowly pushed it up, so he could stare at her pale face. Her eyes were filled with tears that she was failing on hold. “I did saw what happen when that thing takes you, what the demon inside of you is capable of, not you. Also I stopped it once, I could stop again! They’re chasing you but I already told you, the purpose of my life is to keep you safe.”

“But you shouldn’t. Sometimes I think that my torment will be eternal, even if I get ride of this threaten another one will come up until I succumb. I’m cursed, Ethan!” She hated to show all her weakness and look so vunerable, but with him was different. He was the only person with whom she had no need to pretend to be strong all the time, it was so easy to feel comfortable showing all her deepest feelings and fears.

“Maybe I’m cursed too.”, he said. She stared at his tiny gold eyes, it looked like he was about to say something but only thinking about that hurt him. “You couldn’t resist to avenge your friend but you keep resisting on give us a chance?” He said, his voice breaking in the end of the sentence.

“I.. I just.. you deserve better. It would be too selfish from me to let this blossom because I know that I would ruin your life.” It was so hard to say these words while all her body and soul begged her to just hold him, crush her lips against his and maybe tell him that three words that suddenly made sense for her.

“Why you’re so stubborn?“ She stepped back a little, watching his face being filled with frustration. “I want you, Vanessa, only you! You said that we are together for a reason, that it was God’s plan. You need me and I need you. This is not na option either, we meant to be together, there’s no other wa-“ Suddenly she stopped thinking and went closer to him again, wrapped her arms around his neck and brushed her lips soflty against his. She separated their lips to stare at his face, right after he grabbed her waist with one hand to put their bodies closer and with the other he held her neck, kissing her passionatelly and slowly. The kiss grew to something more fierce and desperate, like they were hungry and thirsty of each other’s mouth. Maybe they actually were. He grabbed her hair to put her face more into his, while she wanderend a hand on his back and the other one caressing his chest, feeling his heartbeats getting faster. She broke the kiss and pressed her head against his large chest, holding him tighly. She fitted perfectly well on his embrace.

“I’m sorry Ethan, for everything. I won’t disappoint you again. And believe me, if I was a normal person I wouldn’t think twice, I would allow myself to feel this way about you instead of supress it. I still don’t think that it can work and I already hate myself for what might happen to you.” This time she felt the tears dropping, but it wasn’t from her eyes.

“Vanessa, it will work, it is working already.” She looked up at his face and he held her cheeks with his large hands. God, he was so handsome with his hair all messy and his tiny bright eyes. “Don’t you understand?? You are my moors.” He said with a smile, almost caressing the words.

 _“And you’re mine”_ , she thought. But instead of saying it out loud she gave him that smile that was _only his_ and kissed the tip of his nose. He lifted her up on his arms and carried her upstairs to the bed.


End file.
